Navigating more lockdown and the creaky approach to a very weird new normal… with kids

Alright. We've been here for almost 2 months, not much will change in the foreseeable future, and the new normal we're inching towards is going to be very strange indeed for quite some time. The thought of this is quite frankly exhausting, so its time to take stock, look at what's working and what's not. Where tempers fray and wills to live are lost. Re-jig, re-group, re-prioritise, re-connect. Look at where you can conserve energy, and sanity.

I've listed a few things below that have helped us in adjusting to this way of life, I hope you find some of them helpful. None of this is plain sailing though. There's ups, downs, and days that are just pants from start to finish. And that's ok. It IS hard right now, and it's ok to find it hard. 

Adjust what you're doing if you need to

Talk to your partner and your kids about how everyone has been feeling lately. Chances are your life is quite different to how you started lockdown. Priorities have shifted, as have boundaries and schedules. If you've landed in a manageable spot - carry on! But if things feel out of kilter for anyone, let's readjust. And re-assess regularly. Who's working / cleaning / cooking / homeschooling / life admining more, and how does that sit with everyone. Do the kids need more or less structure? 

But manage any expectations

Adjusting things and making a plan is great, but give yourself lots of buffering space. Bad days will happen where not much gets done. Tantrums will occur that need just cuddles and nothing else. Duvet days are necessary.

What helps here is being clear on what your basic requirements for everything are. For example:
-How clean does your house really need to be to still feel ok about it? And how can chores be split up? Maybe the person with the lowest mess threshhold needs to step up their pitching in game?
-How many freezer meals are acceptable for everyone involved? And how much screen time? I'd suggest lots is the answer to both questions but you have to be happy and make peace with your decision. 
-How much alone time do you need to carry on and hold it together for yourself and everyone around you?-What makes everyone happiest? Make sure you do lots of those.  

Ditch comparison

Pandemic pressure and comparison is real right now. With so many people posting their activities, meals, craft projects and new hobbies online, it's hard not to feel like you should be doing more or better, or that you're somehow doing this wrong. You're not. No one is. There isn't a right or wrong way to navigate this period in time. Everyone copes in different ways, in different circumstances. What you CAN do though, is work out what's important to you and what your strength are, and focus on those things. No point trying to whip up Bake Off ready cakes, when you don't enjoy it. Do more of the things you and your family enjoy doing and that make you feel good. And if you do attempt something new, I'd encourage you to share your craft and activity fails to make us all feel better. 

Celebrate your wins, however small

When you feel like you're not doing any areas in your life justice (which is often the case, when you try to wear all your hats all at once, like now), it's easy to get sucked into negative spirals of critical thoughts and feelings of guilt and failure. Combat this with plenty of self kindness and celebrating everything that's even remotely gone right in a day. 

Tantrum navigated by singing silly songs? Amazing. 
Managed more than 5 minutes of imaginative play without tearing your hair out? That's the stuff right there. 
Everyone made it through the day in one piece? Insert full blown trumpet fanfare here. 

Be kind to yourself (and others, too)

It's always been important to be nice to yourself, but now more so than ever. With the amount of information thrown at you every day, the constant changes and demands, it's paramount that you are on your own side and are giving yourself regular pep talks. Whenever you notice cross or negative thoughts pop into your head, acknowledge them, but gently nudge them away and replace them with a kinder, more empathetic ones. 

We're all having a hard time right now. It's not just you, and telling yourself off will not help. Being your own cheerleader however, will. It'll boost you along, and build up a handy inner reserve.

To help with this further, give yourself and everyone else the benefit of the doubt. All the time. Assume everyone is doing their best. And even if they're not, it certainly beats getting worked up, wound up, angry and creating arguments. ( Full disclosure, I'm still very much working on that last one. I have never felt so much rage about people breaking rules as I do right now. And I've always liked rules so have raged a lot.)

Self care is a non negotiable 

Draw up a list of things you need every day to function. Really basic things that make you feel human. Then make sure you get those things every day. They're not a maybe. They're a non negotiable. The thought of an uninterrupted shower or 10 minutes of quiet time to yourself can power you through the roughest of moments. So schedule that stuff in. While we haven't got the ability for longer breaks or fun stuff outside of the house, really focus on the things that you ARE able to do. Even if that's just daydreaming out of the window for 5 minutes. That's currently classed as a luxury yoga nidra experience. Pay attention to the small things you are doing throughout the day (deep breaths and plenty of water spring to mind) and it might just add up to enough to get you through this. 

A word about "bad habits"

There's plenty of social media noise fluttering around about how you can use this time to kick a bad habit. cut out alcohol and sugar, lose 10 pounds and really tone up. That might well all happen if this was a 3 months, all expenses paid sabatical, but it's not. This is a high stress, majorly uncertain situation and you need all the coping tools you can muster. Yes please to movement and limiting the things that make you feel more anxious and bleurgh, but please don't feel you can't have the chocolate/drink the wine. This is tough stuff and the whole coping toolkit is being called on.
As long as you drink enough water, eat the odd vegetable and extend a kind word to yourself every now and again you're doing A OK I reckon.

A note for single parents - I'm so sorry. This situation truly sucks and I can only imagine how draining everything must currently be. I hope that some of the things above are still useful for you and if you're kids are old enough to understand, now is the time to teach them that grown ups don't have an endless source of energy and patience and need time alone, sleep and to do things they enjoy. It's ok to set boundaries, be stricter on bed times and police quiet time like your sanity depends on it. Because it just might.